What? You think you're better than me?

Hey, here's an idea: Let's stop projecting our own discomfort onto other people.*

Recently, a friend of mine--who I'll refer to as Lynn--told me she got rid of her Facebook page. Instead of being sincerely curious about her reasons, I immediately--without meaning to--jumped to thoughts like "What? You think you're better than me?" I use Facebook. I like it. She doesn't use it. She doesn't like it. Why would that immediately bring me to negative thoughts? Apparently, my brain decided that one of us had to be right and one of us had to be wrong. And if Lynn thought she was right, clearly what she was implying was that I was wrong.

Oftentimes, when we encounter someone with different beliefs or opinions than ours, we automatically--without meaning to--jump to conclusions about what their words or actions imply.

I find this every once in a while with people who find out I don't eat animal products. They become defensive about the subject, because they perceive me to be saying I'm right and they're wrong, or that I'm better or more ethical than they are.

I also see this in myself more often than I'd like to. When someone tells me about their vacation home or fancy clothes, I jump to thoughts like "Oh, she just thinks she's so much cooler than I am. I bet she thinks I'm gross because I buy things at Goodwill." Or, if someone composts and I don't. Or, if someone walks to work and I don't. Or, if someone gives to charity more than I do. And the list goes on. I make judgments, not only about that person, but also about how that person judges me. How ridiculous!

Just because a person has a different opinion, belief, interest, pay level, or lifestyle than you, it doesn't mean yours is wrong. It doesn't even mean they think yours is wrong. (Although, so what if they do?)

If you see yourself making these automatic leaps to negative judgments, step back and examine why you might be doing so. For example, I probably became defensive about Facebook because I waste a lot of time using it. I probably shouldn't. I know I could be doing more productive things (like blogging - hehe) than chatting with friends and playing Word Chaos. If you're not comfortable in your own beliefs and actions, then they need to be examined. And spending time with people who are different than you is a great way to explore new ideas and determine if you want to hold true to yours or embrace new ones. So, instead of judging each other, let's all focus on more productive activities--like learning from each other (or blogging - hehe).



*I say that to you and as a reminder to myself.